God or????????

The commandments heh heh……

Why oh why do they exist I wonder, and what are their uses, no real uses as far as I can see except crowd and population control.

Lets go hypothetically………………………….

Moses was the guy that got the commandments and no one saw it except him……. Yeah I know God does not need witnesses, but hey, these people were superstitious, if God had just appeared to them… it may have been a whole new story.

Anyway…… Moses had been traipsing around the desert for 40 years and I guess he was a bit tired. I mean firstly when he was born there was an edict to kill Jewish  kids….. he got put in a boat, and of all things a queen found him and adopted him….. (kind of like the frog and the princess…. I wonder how many she kissed before getting the right one)… then he commits murder…

Oh yes.. the great and wise Moses killed someone and was on the run

“Seeing an Egyptian maltreating a Hebrew, he killed the Egyptian and hid his body in the sand, supposing that no one who would be disposed to reveal the matter knew of it.”

and he was happy to kill more

“kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the little girls among the women, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves”

And one that I guess all the bible punchers have no idea about is that Moses is a prophet in many religions

He is revered as a prophet in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.

And if only these guys would read their bibles we could stop a whole lot of wars………

So what really happened…… I can tell you ..come closer……

What was the main problems of the day, what were the problems for everyone of the day?

Well moses had some unique problems,he is destitute, scared to death by god, he is on the move with a huge amount of people delivering them out of the land of zion and God and pharoahs chasing him all over the place, and for over 40 yrs about ten thousand people asking him every day of the week where god is?

He has got to get up on Mount Sinia to think and cos he is gonna be up there a few days he takes his hammer and chisel cos he is gonna write a book or something…………

He sits and ponders his problems………………………..

Problem 1

To cap it all you got this group wants freedom of expression and that group wants to be regarded as a minority, oh and that one there wants to be able to be towel heads, and branch davideans etc

Get the picture… so Moses is getting pressure from all sides and the only thing he can think of for weeks  on end is how to get this lot all walking the same walk and talking the same talk and he don’t really care what you want to call god, he just knows that there is one god, and it’s the one he is praying to.

So he says starts to write………

 “you shall have one and one only god”

Problem 2

It’s a heck of a problem feeding and clothing all these people in the desert today let alone then… and the whole exercise would not have been cheap, trouble is we have all these people spending all the wealth on drinking wine bonking and making craven images. To cap it all we have to carry these things around, and they slow us down, and distract the people instead of keeping them focused.

What can I do with these big useless lumps for  metal, that, are only any use for me and my team if I take it away and melt it down to get  food??

Lets see how “You shall not make for yourself an Idol” so again he starts chopping away.

Problem 3

I say god said, and I mean it, that is what I believe …. Trouble is I got a bunch of wannabees that run around here saying God said this, and God said that, and I cant argue, what I have to do is make it that they are reluctant to do that, and only where they actually see something they are permitted to say……..

So……. How does this work?

“You shall not take the name of the Lord in vain”

right now we are getting somewhere……………..

Problem 4

This lot, either when they are working for the Pharoah, or me, get tired to the end of the week, and no amount of telling them stops them from part timing partying etc… cos no one knows what day they are supposed to work on, and which to rest on……… and on top of that, many are dodging the collections by not being at the church so

“Remember the Sabbath… keep it Holy”

That should keep the takings up too.

Problem 5

Some of the men have been complaining that the kids all get together and cause a whole lot of bad kids stuff, staying out at night, giving back chat to mom and dad, and this is not good, we need to make a law……… you do what your  mum and Dad say… trouble is the kids will never go for that… to authoritarian in this day and age………how about keeping it basic so it can be interpreted many ways……

 Honor your Father and Mother”

Problem 6

It seems these days everyone ha some sort of problem with the guy next door….. and its all my fault…. I mean nowhere does it say you can or cant do this or that…. so the guys taking literally, beat the shit out of some and don’t know where to stop……… so I guess a fight is OK, but we don’t want to kill them….. blood everywhere…. Expensive funerals that way….

“ Thou shalt not kill”

Problem 7…

You got a whole bunch of guys here that really do well, they can lay women after women, and some of these guys are really good in bed, and the trouble is the ones that are not so good in bed are not getting any, and have to do it the Roman and Greek  way and they are really not keen little boys and all.

So these guys are pissed off….. and I suppose the way we can help here is allow one woman to each man…….. and make the guy sign for the woman… easy!

You shall not bonk the other guys woman….

I mean he works for her, pays for her, gets a lot of flack for her….. and he don’t want you bonking her.

Problem 8

Cant put a bloody tool down here anyway at all. As soon as you put it down, somebody is picking  it up and saying it is theirs, slowing down every job like crazy, and cos of this everyone is sharing, (rule I put in last year) and its causing so much lost time. 

So … “Thou shalt not steal”

Problem 9

A bunch of these bastards are saying things about me and others that are not true at all, and I think it’s a power thing…….

“Thou shalt not bear false witness”

Problem 10

Everybody works like crazy and some spend it on bad stuff, and other on good stuff, and once the money has gone, you get I wish I had his…. I wish I had his………… if its not the wife its tools

House camel…

“Though shalt not covet your neighbors stuff”

Ok I been up her 40 days chipping this lot out (be glad when they invent windows) now how we going to make em believe it…. first die my hair grey, then burn my face by the fire…. That should do it, I mean this lot have followed me and I have been lost for 40 years…… they will believe anything I say….. bit like the Contra scandal.

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