Xmas through New Year gave me two visits to the hospital an unlimited amount of pain that given the option I would have preferred to have given birth to twins. A seemingly innocuous movement rendered this grown man whimpering like a baby.
Xmas rush and general tidy up on 23rd Dec left me facing a rather heavy attachment for a vehicle lying in my garage, which at first glance had to be moved a few inches to allow me to slide another piece of equipment by. The first attempt resulting in zero movement of the offending equipment and a simple increase in effort (whilst considering my capability of years gone by) confirming that I had maxed out the effort that fell far short of what was to be required.
Xmas Eve saw some tingling between the shoulder blades gradually culminating to my first ‘Aleve’ by early afternoon, to to a second ‘Aleve’ by Mid afternoon and my wife reminding me that the correct dosage is one every twelve hours, I downed a couple more.
The involuntary tears rolling down my cheeks forced me to neglect her advice and continue taking the only relief available to me which meant that by bed time, and, (no doubt near to overdosing) at 6 of these tablets (in twelve hours) was actually able to lie on my bed and close my eyes which eventually led to sleep and for all I know would have rendered me comatose. Which I have to say at that point would have been a welcome relief.
The seemingly easy unconscious movement of rolling over in my sleep brought me back to reality with the twenty thousand volts of electricity going from head to toe actually woke me up very quickly. The thoughts of possible paralysis only relieved by the fact that I had not over dosed, which as I tried to revert to the previous position made me wish I had.
The next three or four minutes seemed like three of four hours as the pain subsided with me biting on my pillow so as not to scream, which would have confirmed to my wife that her He Man of so many years had exhausted his Cryptonite and was in fact human after all.
More Aleve came to mind with overdosing being a secondary consideration under the circumstances. Just have to get to the bottle……..
At this point doubled up in agony but with the tantalizing relief to my predicament about twenty feet away I embarked on a slow but precise attack on a movement test to see if anything was possible.
I tried to lift the leg farthest away toward the edge of the bed……. and… twenty thousand volts again……..another four minutes subsiding…….
Another try but this time sliding across and wait for the jolt ………… which never came……. which gave me an opportunity to actually see past the previous tears rolling down my face.
Faced with this enormous giant step for mankind gave me the will to try again, putting me in the position of now being face down and one knee on Terra Firma and congratulating myself on my success. I now slide my left leg in the same direction allowing my body to pivot in the same direction eventually achieving the position of both knees on the floor and my upper body slumped like a rag doll on the bed.
The natural thing to do now would be to just lift the shoulders but having learned the hard way that I did not like 50 megawatts of energy going through my back like a knife ripping open my spine I decide to give it a little more thought.
OK… right hand slide back an inch……. left hand an inch …. right hand an inch until both hands are now at the edge of the bed and with zero voltage again and congratulate myself on how smart I am. It left the delicate manoeuvrings of simply putting my torso in the upright position which I elected to do by only pushing up on my hands and leaving my back relaxed.
I am now in the position of a child facing the bed on my knees saying their prayers, and without even realizing it reciting “My soul the Lord should keep” as I start to shuffle one knee at a time to my left which allowed me to face the wall being my intended support for the all too important lift as the next stage, to my feet.
Tuck toes in and PUSH …… sliding up the wall……….
Not really sure how long the pain was this time, my life past before my eyes but I could not really see it through the tears that came, and left me with the conclusion that I will be dead very shortly from the pain that felt like it was ripping open my spine, and there must be blood everywhere.
Screaming was the first thought, but pride forced me to bite my tongue rather than humiliate myself in front of my wife, and just wishing I could reach my cryptonite that will end the pain.
With my own Everest conquered to the last camp before the final accent, I shuffle one foot then the other with having only to suffer volts in the hundreds now rather than in the thousands I soon get to the elixir of life that would hopefully end my pain and suffering.
The temptation to swallow the whole bottle was there, but sensibility said one pill under the circumstances may in itself give an overdose, which it seemed to me would end the torment either way.
Five minutes of standing very still (because I was scared to move) seemed to alleviate the situation somewhat, and after ten minutes I could actually breath without it hurting. Twenty minutes and I could actually move, as the Aleve did its work.
The injection at the hospital came as a welcome relief…. morphine, cocaine, whatever…. I was thankful to get something and whatever it was..it worked.
I felt this tantalizing warmth shoot up my spine and after a few moments I could relax, a few more more moments and I could move……. another minute or so i am wondering what all the fuss was about.
NEVER again will I move something too heavy for me……