A little reminder of 14 years ago

Autumn Years


I think that is a nice expression, and I hasten to add, one I would prefer never applies to me. Its sole implication is the end, the final curtain, the Grand Final.

These last few years have seen many of my family get stricken or get taken to a better place and I reflect on what my “Autumn Years” may have in store for me.

I am 49 and 8 months now, going on immaturity, and am not looking forward to what is in store, I after all, above all the other humans deserve to live till I am damn well ready to die.

(I should commit suicide and cheat our maker….. I could say “ Hey you cant get rid of me….. I quit”)

I keep getting this unnerving feeling that I cant be nearly 50, I have not lived yet, barely started.

So many places to go, people to meet. I have dreams and exploits that many would think foolish at this age.

Bungee jump, Parachute jump, hang gliding, micro lighting, Flying a plane… the wild inexorable feeling that drives your brain, the exhilaration of adrenalin, flowing so hard and furious through your body, leaving that wild anticipation on your lips to savor again and again.  Sure I have risked it, I believe the current term is “Pushing the Envelope”. But hey! Its My Envelope.

I have however really never been a don’t doer, always basked in the thought, that where the others fail I will succeed. I have absolute supreme confidence in my ability. Not that it is so good, but sheer determination and guts actually can replace some of that gray matter I wish I had.

Always mocked the man that has not enough courage to do something, it doesn’t have to be great, but it does need to be unique….. unique to you that is. A sense of achievement, of pride and most of all morally sound. A road sweep, or waiter, a garbage collector or sewage man, does it matter?? As long as it’s the best you can be.

Its actually so sad to see my Mother infirm, my uncle Reg after suffering a stoke with a listless look in his eye

This, a man so vibrant and full of other peoples needs, become a part of his previous self and in turn become the person he once had so much passion to help and serve. A cruel irony for any man, but perhaps an irony that is the most difficult to accept.

The fact that we all grow old, a sick perverted game of the almighty may be, one where as he sits on his thrown on high, dictating on a regular basis who’s time it is, and of course who’s it isn’t.

No thought for the real people of the world, the ones that actually achieve. The ones who do more than try… the ones that actually succeed. Not Bill Gates or Attila the Hun, Joan of Arc, Winston, John, Martin, or even the big J himself. I mean the unsung warriors that give their life to something, with a total selfless attitude , or the ones that have achieved against the odds and those you hear of so very little.

It does however make you appreciate the things around you with more clarity and sensitivity, with more emphasis on relationships, and more on family life. A topic that sadly I have very little concept outside my immediate family, and one I am reluctant to add, I should have paid more attention, suffice to say I will in the future. We want to care and be cared about, such a small thing to ask…… In those twig light, autumn something years.


As I sit by your bedside

Holding your hand

Seeing the woman that made me

All that  “I am”


The woman that held me

Oh so tight

When I had a sickness

All through the night


The woman that loved me

With a heart so dear

Through my good times and bad times

Took away my fear


Always there for me

Defended me so

How can I repay you

So much more than I show


How can I show you

My Mother so dear

Who never left me

And always was near


You have shown me the way

Made my thoughts so clear

As you lie on your bed

As darkness grows near


You’ve shown me the strength

To make the man I am

And  I am  so proud

To call you “Mam”


But it may be a month

or even a year

When you will leave me

And give so many tears


You’re a Mother that’s special

One who showed me whats right

And I say that I love you

As he turns out the light.


I guess an issue that we all are guilty of, no matter how much we try. Kinda food for thought eh?? Never actually thought of myself as a hypocrite.

Its starts with dodging the rules ever so slightly that we somehow seem to blow out of proportion.

Starting with the politicians, and ending with priests . Just how do they live with themselves. Starting with the pontiff, his cocoon like world of bodyguards and senility, mixed with brief spells of sanity.

Politicians , who I am sure all start out with the very best of intentions and then allowing popular opinion or advisors to sway their very core of judgment, allowing a sort of insulation of the real world and truth become secondary to goals and achievement that they feel, or are persuaded to feel will obscure their advancement if they do comply, through no fault of their own, thereby enforcing the justification for bending the rules.

The US in forces in Vietnam (and many other places) The Germans in occupied Europe. The current agenda of Bush mkII who somehow thinks he can defeat terrorism by being colonialistical, not to mention tyrannical (did I say I was not going to mention that)

Does not stop there however.. the UN in their majestic glory with no teeth and definitely no back bone. Hypocrisy through and through with no possibility of some sort of respite.

The obvious course of action is to throw the US out of the UN. Have no part in what the US do, and finally to respond as we would to any despot country who wishes to force their will on another… defend the smaller country. Forgive me if I misunderstand something here but is that not what the UN was formed to do.

Another example of forgetting the original intention, so forming another level of hypocrisy that will be reflected in history not as one you can look back on with honor , but one that will sour the good work they actually do.

You could hardly say short sighted.. a blind man could see better with a dark hood over his face……………………..







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